From a Recovering Hellicopter Mom

So I read a book recently that has me wishing I could go back in time and do a few things differently.  I guess we'd all like that opportunity a time or two, right?!? 

                                                    Photo Source:  BikerAndBride blog

As I was cleaning out a magazine file, I stumbled upon an old brochure for Jim Fay's Love & Logic series and noticed the book, Tickets to Success on that list.  I read it fairly quickly as it's short & to-the-point.  It was life changing!  For both of my kids' lives, I've been right there to protect and guide them, as most parents do.  But now I'm seeing that perhaps I've done that way too much because sometimes, in certain situations, they can't do it all that well by themselves. 

Maybe I should have let them resolve their own problems during toddler playdates. 
Maybe I could have let them fall off the scooter (instead of catching them before they hit the ground) to learn to hold their balance better (because my hollering "keep balanced!" is far less effective than an actual fall).
Maybe if I would have let them work out a sibling argument without intervening, they'd be better friends now.  It's hard to say. 

But WOULD'A--COULD'A--SHOULD'A won't

help now, because that time has passed.

So now, at ages 7 and 9, I get an opportunity to correct the wrongs I've done as a Helicopter Mom and hopefully get them back onto a "normal" path.  By solving all their problems and handling any adverse situations myself, I have been robbing them of the opportunity to learn to handle those problems and situations independently. 

I always thought my "hellicoptering" would protect them ... but protect them from what?
   Protect them from learning how to resolve problems?   
   Protect them from learning how to adapt to unexpected results?   
   Protect them from learning how to take criticism (because that's everywhere!)?
   Protect them from knowing how to fix a problem that their bad decision caused? ......
.... No, I don't want to protect them FROM those things; instead I want to expose them TO those things. But I'm 7 & 9 years late!! Better late than never, I guess.

In the book Tickets to Success when Jim Fay is writing about letting a child miss a meal or go without a coat as consequences to the child's own decision and/or lack of responsibility, he writes:  "When we let children make decisions and they get a little cold or hungry, they learn about the real world.  If we rescue them, we've robbed them of their tickets to success."   (Jim Fay. Tickets to Success, page 51. Love and Logic Press. 1994).  Robbing them of this is something I have perfected, I'm sad to say.  But at least I have a chance to change it.  

Jim Fay writes about using Love & Logic as a golden rule for raising our kids: "Kids grow best with a balance of love and logic.  Love allows children to grow through their mistakes.  Logic allows them to live with the consequences of their choices."  (Fay, page 4) 

He also writes that "building responsible children is a four-step process. 

We give a child a chance to act responsibly.

We hope and pray the child makes a mistake.

When the child makes a mistake, we stand back and allow consequences, accompanied by liberal doses of empathy, to do the teaching.

We give the child exactly the same assignment, offering another chance to act responsibly."

-(Fay, page 13)  

At first glance this may seem harsh.  But it's not.  Isn't it better for our kids to learn big lessons when they're still home with us?  The world can be a cruel place.  And when our kids go out into the real world, they need to know how to make real decisions and fully understand real consequences.  It's a tough world out there.  Some lessons are better learned at age 5 than at age 15.  Lessons come with a cost (and I don't just mean monetarily), and the cost is much higher as our children get older.    

"Raising responsible children is our greatest objective as teachers and parents.  Responsible children own tickets to success. But children are not born responsible.  They learn responsibility as we allow them to make decisions and to live with the consequences. In the end, we cannot give children tickets to success.  There is no free lunch, no free ride, and no free ticket.  Day by day, choice by choice, decision by decision we can allow our children to earn their tickets to success."  (Fay, page 107)  

Lastly, the blogger's article (a college professor, I believe), "Helicopter Parents" from which I found that perfect image of helicopter parents (above) closes with this:  "FOR HEAVENS SAKE .. Please let your grown child live like a real adult, and take responsibility for their own life. Thank you!"

So I'll close with the same.  Thanks for reading. 

All the wisdom of Jim Fay and the Love & Logic crew in Tickets to Success is exactly that:  their wisdom.  I'm simply quoting from the book to relay it's general message to others who may be struggling with this.  I would encourage anyone to read this book in its entirety. 

The next book I'm reading is on entitlement.  Now isn't that a snowball rolling out of control these days!?!?!?

Knipsa Basket Labeling

How would you label these baskets?  I don't want something dangling off of a ribbon, or something cute-sy ... just classic & discreet so we know what's in each basket (so that the rest of my family can put stuff away, too, where it belongs.  LOL!).

You've Been Ghost'ed!!!!

It's time to bring back (or start!) the GHOSTING tradition!!  Basically, you GHOST your neighbors, friends, coworkers, teachers, etc. by **secretly** placing a goodie bag of .... well, goodies ... and the ghost print-out and instructions.  Then, they have to spread it around to their "people".   It's fun!!

 I roll up the instructions and ghost - like a scroll - then wrap it in ribbon and put it in one of those Halloween-themed goodie bags.  This picture is a super quick pic .... you can make these SO much cuter.  

The instructions are small, so here is what they say:
Good Evening!  The curse of the Halloween Phanton is upon your house.
To lift this curse:

• Immediately cut out and place the provided ghost in a window that can be seen from the front of your house.
• You must deliver a treat to 2 homes, in your neighborhood, or to other friends, within 48 hours.
• When you deliver your treats, place a copy of this letter along with a ghost picture in each of your treat bags.

It is very important that you deliver your treats secretly to a home that DOES NOT already have a ghost posted in their window.
Wait until dark to deliver your goodies and have a frightfully good time watching the ghosts spread throughout your neighborhood....

Here is the Pin

Pinned There, Done That, Got a Review

With the discovery of Pinterest, there are a gazillion projects now on my to-do list.  I thought I'd chronicle a few of the ones that I've actually gotten around to on this blog, just to keep track.

Mongolian Beef -  thumbs up!  But definitely need to strain off the excess corn starch, as the recipe instructs.   I didn't and it was gummy.

Crock Pot Orange Chicken  thumbs down! This we didn't like. It had a funny taste to it. And the purpose of a crock pot is to set it and get on to work or other things. This dish required the chicken to be pan-cooked first ... not easy at 5am. I'm removing this from my Kitchen & Kibble Board.

Crock Pot Chicken Taco Chili   This was really good, but spicy!  I used 5 frozen chicken breasts and it still wasn't too heary, but enough.  I used Rotel (Original flavor) for the diced tomatoes & chilis ~ next time I'll either get the mild version and/or nix/reduce the chili powder.  It was a tad too spicy for the kids, but great otherwise.    It was also much soupier than in the picture.  I strained the veggies, but not the Rotel, so maybe that's why.  I was still really good, though!

Duct Tape on water bottles... so cute and no printing running in the ice!!!! Brilliant!  do this all the time, such a great idea!!!  there are so many varieties of colored duct tape these days (i've gotten it at Hobby Lobby & Wal-Mart)

DIY Zebra Print Mani/Pedi tutorial.  I tried this on my toes, but without the Nail Art pen.  It was hard and doesn't look that great.  I used a toothpick for the fine lines and didn't really like the results.  I found a Nail Art pen at CVS and will try again with this attempt wears off or whenever I get a chance - whatever comes first.  LOL!
YouTube tutorial here

Protect those expensive shoes!! I bought a dusting thing like this for $3.99-ish from Ross (and removed the acrylic handle). Place it on the floorboard of your car. Then the back of your right shoe won't get worn & scratched by the rough mats in your car..... at least for the shoes you can't easily kick off in order to drive barefoot. Go people-watching or go in your closet and check out your own shoes .... you'll see what I mean.

Over The Door Storage - not just for shoes! Gloves, hats, swim goggles, hair accessories, medicines, scarves, ..... you name it!! I have one hanging on all the closet doors.               

Homemade Ice Cream without the Ice Cream Maker!  This works and is so fun!! A pint of homemade ice cream in a bag in 10 minutes - no ice cream maker required. I remember doing this in high school science class!!  Here is the tutorial/recipe

Easy Clean for the Microwave  

This Works!!! Easy way to clean your microwave - heat a bowl of water and vinegar for 5 minutes, the steam will dissolve stuck on stains. Simply wipe off.

 

 

This has been great to transfer old VHS's of the kids into digital format.  You can also use it to transfer something from your DVR to your computer (minding all copyright laws, of course).  $14.02  This comes with its own software, but I prefer using Roxio with it.   product link here

 

 

Elf on the Shelf  we did this last Christmas and what a remarkable improvement in behavior!!                   

Needing Inspiration ...

I've had this Southern Living Dress Me Up Plate for ages.  And now that I see all the creativity on Pinterest, I'd love to update the look for this plate ... but am at a loss for what to do.

Currently I'm using 2 Fall themed floral picks.  I have the basic Fall one - leaves, berries, acorns, etc -  that I'll keep in there until Thanksgiving.  On top of the Fall one I have a Halloween pick - with the ghost and candy corns - that naturally I'll take out November 1st. 

If you have this plate, what do you do with it?  Feel free to comment below and/or add the Pin# (if you have one).  I've searched Google and come up with more dresses and plain plates than what I'm actually looking for.  I had also gotten the rectangular Dress Me Up Platter.  That one I'm just using some of those Jolee's holiday themed 3D stickers.  I know, kinda lame, but it works .... for now.

"Is Santa Real, Mom?"

It's inevitable, but I'm still not looking forward to the day when Santa becomes reality instead of fantasy.

To the question:  “Are you Santa?”  I'm hoping to answer in this way, so I've written it down.  With the chaos that is motherhood, this question will most likely come at an unusual time while juggling twenty other things.  So I've got it down here, to hopefully get it straight so that my answer to the question, is well thought out and well articulated.

"We knew for a long time that you'd eventually want the answer to this question, and I’ve had to give it careful thought to know just what to say.
The answer is: no. I am not Santa. There is no Santa.
You're father and I are the people who fill your stockings with presents, though. I also choose and wrap the presents under the tree, the same way my parents did for me, and the same way their parents did for them.
I imagine you will someday do this for your children, and I know you will love seeing them run down the stairs on Christmas morning. You will love seeing them sit under the tree, their small faces lit with Christmas lights.
This won’t make you Santa, though.
Santa is bigger than any person, and his work has gone on longer than any of us have lived. What he does is simple, but it is powerful. He teaches children how to have belief in something they can’t see or touch. 
It’s a big job, and it’s an important one. Throughout your life, you will need this capacity to believe: in yourself, in your friends, in your talents, and in your family. You’ll also need to believe in things you can’t measure or even hold in your hand. Here, I am talking about love, that great power that will light your life from the inside out, even during its darkest, coldest moments.
Santa is a teacher, and I have been his student, and now you know the secret of how he gets down all those chimneys on Christmas Eve: he has help from all the people whose hearts he’s filled with joy.
With full hearts, people like Dadda and me take our turns helping Santa do a job that would otherwise be impossible.
As for the gifts themselves, where do they come from, if not from Santa?  The answer to that is simple:  God provides for all of our needs, and sometimes even our material wants.  He has provided your father and me with jobs that provide money to buy things during this time. 
So, no. I am not Santa. Santa is love and magic and hope and happiness. I’m on his team, and now you are, too.  I believe in what Santa stands for and the magic that surrounds the Christmas season, even at my age.
I love you and I always will."

Gameroom Storage

In order to corral all the "stuff" kids acquire, we used the ever wonderful Expedit.  We got 2 units and laid them on their side, side by side.  This gives us plenty of storage on the half-wall in front of the stairs, while being too high for the temptation to climb on top of them (not so safe by the stairs!).
Stocked with magazine holders, blankets, autographed footballs (hubbies "toys"!  LOL), bins, baskets, books, games, and toys, this system will serve us well!  Of course, we still have the large Rubbermaid storage bins for large collections of My Little Pony, Imaginext dragons, Legos, Pokemon, Zoobles, LPS, etc .... that no 13"x13" cube could possibly contain.

We also strung up a string of outdoor butterfly lights (like a string of Christmas lights) as ambient lighting for when the kids want to chill'ax while watching a movie or battle it out on the Wii.  The lights are plugged into an extension cord that kids can safely turn on by stepping on the switch.

These are the original pictures.  I have some fabric storage bins to add in place of the Christmas box and Aggie dolls.  To be continued ....

Materials:
black-brown Expedit shelving units, IKEA $69.99
clear Lekman storage cubes for see-thru storage of the blankets & quilts, IKEA $9.99
MOTORP Magazine file, IKEA $12.99, set of 2 (not available at IKEA any longer, apparently)
navy & beige Fabric bins, Target $11.69, set of 2
white "tapper" extension cord, Target $5.99

******************************
Updated with baskets!!  Of course, now that a week or so has passed, the meticulous sorting & organization has been replaced by chaos; no longer are the games sorted from the books, etc.  But the important thing is that all the mess has found a home OTHER than the floor!! I did end up rolling up some older, unused towels and placed them behind the books & games so the items wouldn't so easily get lodged into the abyss behind the shelves.

And the once nice, neat top has become a landscape for their imagination.